2008-01-24T12:32:00.000-08:00

12/15/2007

1. My husband and I are somewhat dysfunctional but that is not unusual for middle-class couples.

2. Drinking bottled water from the cooler is not healthy, it will kill us all because the bottle is made of some petroleum product and that's how we got into this mess in the first place.

3. If I download anything more from Limewire, I'm going either to hell or jail, I couldn't hear that last word very clearly.

4. He is not drunk or high when he comes home late during this vacation; should he become drunk or high, he will simply spend the night where he is.

5. The existence of God cannot be proven.

6. Clean sheets are overrated and really you need to wash them only once a month or so.

7. The faster you drive, the better your mileage. It just makes sense if only you'd think.

8. He and The Shannon did not have sex in the backseat of my car. They would never do that.

9. Living in the dorm is quite an adjustment but it's too complex to explain to us.

10. We are single-handedly ruining the planet for God's sake and think of our grandchildren every time we fail to recycle, get bottled water or use fossil fuels needlessly.

I feel much smarter knowing all this!

10 Brand New Things We Learned When Our Son Came Home From College For Christmas Break